There seems to be an increasing number of women who don’t know what they want but are never happy and at all cost try to be “themselves”. Seeing it from lots of emails I’ve been getting, it seem to be happening in general not just around me. It’s not that I would have anything against emancipation; on the contrary, I am sad that these emancipation activities are quite often going in the wrong direction.
The problem here is the intention: for whom is the woman doing it at all?
I’m afraid (and please don’t take this personally if it is not your case), that firstly these wannabe-emancipated women are simply trying too hard and rushing into it, secondly that confusedly they only care about themselves. I mean they only care about their own egos. They don’t think about their emancipation with regards to their partner and their relationship. Their minds start making up all the reasons for their emancipated craze. And then they solve the consequential and inevitable crisis by separation from their partner (without realizing that they take their true problems with them to other future relationships). As it’s my way of saying it, I exaggerate and generalize because I want to give a warning.
Me and my wife (who’s been living separately from me for few weeks now, supposedly “clearing “ her mind) were on our way from cinema, travelling in a city tram when a young woman boarded the tram – she held her head high, rather self-confident, fashionable eyewear, but somewhat tired looking. She was trying to board the tram carrying a huge 2 meter long roll of old linoleum floor covering. Each time she tried to move around to fit inside the carriage she would knock it around and each time she hit the ground a bit of white dust came out so the floor was soon covered in it. After a while she managed to lean the roll against the handrail and wipe the sweat off her forehead. Her partner got on the tram right behind her at which point my wife could not stand it any longer and raised her voice: “Can you not help her? What kind of a man are you?” But this young man smiled and explained: “She doesn’t want me to. She’s emancipated”.
I looked at him in a surprise and smiled back saying: “Yeah, my wife just as well.” And then asked his ‘emancipated’ wife: “You want to be yourself, right?” She appeared embarrassed and blushed and her partner laughed: “You know, we are always arguing about it” and I added: “We do, too” pointing at my wife “it must be some kind of epidemic these days”.
The other day, I spent about half an hour in some shop selling new age music and books while I was waiting for my favourite program to start. And as I discovered from my quick chat with the shop assistant some emancipated and lonely women spend approximately 1000 CZK for various books about relationships and love. When he noticed my surprised face, he said: “Well, it is rather common in such hard times of transformation”. And a little later in a different context he added: “But surprisingly we have less of a turnover, perhaps everybody is trying to resolve their emancipation DIY style at home”. To explain – he was saying that even though they have less people coming into the store but some women spent much more money (for books on how to be more themselves or how to be even more emancipated).
One of my readers wrote to me that she’s on my side in relation to my support of Dalai Lama. All the conspiracy theories seekers would see devil even in him (he was pictured showing devil’s horns with his fingers to the journalists!). Well, this lady is seemingly on the other side but nonetheless an extreme one, too. Apparently, after the year 2003 the trinity of evil in the shape of money, spiritual magic and science joined together to overtake the world and the only religion ever to recognize that was Islam.
What can I say… This lady is probably just as ‘emancipated’ (even though she doesn’t realize that she’s just as extremist as those she’s fighting against).
Another reader, an unhappy husband of an emancipated wife who has turned all her attention to their child (and acts disregardful towards him) has written: “My wife keeps on taking more and more on her when it comes to care of our child, more than she can handle. She has now heard about some nappy-less method and decided she will use it to look after our Adele. I don’t really understand it, but I have noticed that my wife constantly watches her and as soon as she catches any sort of grimace on her face (which supposedly should mean that our baby is about to take a poo), she grabs her momentarily, pulls her pants down and holds her above the potty. The result of it all is her being tired, irritated and snappy. If I try to suggest that she could leave some of the house chores on me, she just yelps that god only knows when I would actually go and do it.
I have to say, that I’m quite fed up with it, instead of enjoying our little girl my wife have turned out life into some sort of an army drill place. I would like to return everything back to normal again but I just don’t know how. With my wife, we don’t seem to be able to reach an agreement on anything and I have noticed recently that I don’t like going back home. Do you think that she will be back to her usual self one day, the normal, fun and sensible woman again?
And I say it again: the most important here is the intention. If any woman who is trying to find herself joins some sort of weekend “goddess” seminar to learn how to please her man, or be a better lover – hurrah! And also hurrah, if her intention is to help others through herself in the long term. But if she’s trying to find herself and herself only (again those who don’t find themselves in this description, don’t take it personally and those who do keep it to yourself) – it’s simply only an egocentric wish to please themselves – with all the negative consequences such decision bears for their relationship and their family. Therefore, such seemingly positive decision, just because it’s so egoistic and as such limited by “rationality” (mixed with load of emotions and hormonal imbalance) will turn into an activity at which end there are misunderstandings, arguing and separations. Every one of us experiences a crisis every now and then but the real solution is not to run away from what needs to be changed.
I’m trying to say that without the positive intention (somewhere at the horizon of events) and just plain common sense (or advice of someone matured and experienced enough) a woman can easily fall into a trap of ways the human brain works in: with an unbearable and incredible ease she will create a reason to be dissatisfied, because she needs to “understand” what she doesn’t understand yet (that’s because she wants to be emancipated).
I understand that many modern women simply overreact (because they are more sensitive just from the principal, and as such they react quicker to changes in cosmic radiation, higher dose of pollution chemicals in the air, food and water as well as the pressure from mass media) and are more irritated but they should allow someone more experienced who they trust to explain to them that female brain is capable of some quite illogical and self-destructing actions without an objective and unbiased feedback.
And so I’m asking (together and not only with the husband of the afore mentioned overly caring mother): Do you think it will get better one day and will these women be back their normal selves, fun and sensible again?
Do you think that emancipated woman ever noticed what mess she left after her in that city tram, and that everyone will spread the mess around as they walk through it?
And are the emancipated women, or dinner ladies, or social services (or similar to the nurse from One Flew Over Cuckoo’s Nest) emancipated?
Do you think that all these women so recklessly heading for their own version of emancipation ever understand how much (emotional) mess they are leaving behind them?
