Killing the Love?


One of my female readers wrote to me: I heard someone say, that the killing of love is what‘s wrong with this world, and it is people who killed it – making it the most serious crime we’re guilty of. Hm… Love is such depreciated and devaluated term these days, that its true meaning is hidden to us, if not lost.

In my opinion, love can not be killed. The linguistics allow almost any combination of words and our brain is naturally wired to look for meanings. But this is yet another trap of logical reasoning and pragmatic materialism of the world we live in, that talks of love through these glasses is often confused with the need to have or own something or someone. While couple of generations ago, the love used to be „whispered“ (as something precious and profound), today it’s being sung about in all sorts of ways by all sorts of rock or pop stars. The true meaning of love persistantly escapes our grasp, and I can see how my reader felt that it has been killed off by bad people.

The truth is that we often disregard or dismiss the ability to love unconditionally. I’ve spent most of my life writing about the reasons why. The lack of true emotions (oxytocin triggered maternal love) and societies ruled by ruthless men (who never felt oxytocin love) brings us to the brink of cataclysm: two world wars and many that followed and are ongoing today (we now refer to them as conflict or crisis) – resulting in not only the direct victims but causing huge and irreparable damage to the psyche of the future victims of the following generations (and their inability to feel and express true unconditional love).

So what is Love and where can we find it? Hm… the Love is much more than just the romantic type of love we talk or sing about. The romantic love as is recognized en masse today is an invention of the past century. The romantic Hollywood movies have hugely contributed to the perception of love in such narrow view. Women were swayed by romantic gestures of movie heroe, who ride in on a white horse (or a ferrari – in today’s terms), wealthy man whose interests include housework and endless expressions of adoration to his beloved one. On the other hand, love is sometimes seen as biological function, which serves the purpose to pass down our genetic information to sustain human race. And I say, it is a hormonally initiated resonance of coherences. Ha! How should you understand that?

If you take for example a candle light (or a torch), its light only reaches the distance of several metres, because it is incoherent (i.e. it is not a stream of light). But when you manage to stream the light (like for example laser beam), the light of it will reach far further – it is coherent. Same notion is true in love, when hormones ensure a couple in love are in sync (i.e. in coherence) they are resonantly tuned in to each other. And one more analogy – the same is for meditating (spiritual) person, if he’s able to streamline his thoughts through any method to achieve it (like for example chanting of mantras or meditation), his brain will start working more coherently and efficiently… leading to realization of the unconditional love for the whole world/universe. Unfortunately, the reality is that we don’t quite comprehend the meaning of  the word „unconditional“ in our understanding of love in this context. Love is not a feeling nor is it a sexual urge nor being attracted to someone. It is a coherence, the unity of body and mind and unity of action and consequence. It is the ability to love without ever raising a question or demand anything. Can you do that? Could you unconditionally love thy neighbour who plays loud music until late night, for illustration?

When gurus say that the basis of everything is Love, this is what they mean – the foundation. Not the instinct or romance, or hormonally affected urge and behaviour we so often talk about, celebrate or hate.. We don’t talk about the foundation of love (it’s quite impossible to describe by words – once you understand it, you’ll find that words don’t give it justice and only narrow its meaning). We are used to talk about the emotion we feel at that moment, narrowly focused on the subject of our emotion, but that is certainly not everybody, let alone someone who might have hurt you in some way.. When we start loving unconditionally our perception changes, we see positives where before we would have picked negatives, and we are in harmony and love with everything and everyone around us, the miracle of creation of life and nature… There is no place to pretend and we will understand life in its purposes and consequences.

When a person chooses any path to spirituality (and there are many…), he resonates more harmoniously and eventually reaches the possibility that the big bang (or Aaaaahh) that started the universe is the same – wonderous and joyful consciousness, the Love. The universe sometimes „experiments“ with process of coherence or invention of intellect (just like a child has to try to stomp into that puddle – out of sheer pleasure of potentially joyful experience) but the act of Love is always present in each moment of our evolution. The logical conclusion is that inevitably we are part of the whole process of circle of rebirth and death and there is no other way for us than to appreciate and love all our incarnation forms. It’s wonderfully simple – the more Love you give the more Love you receive (but only in this order).

The current development of the world societies in that respect did not kill the love, but our natural tendency to aim towards better and better coherence. And the trap of linguistics and devalued meanings (as well as damage done to us through traumatic birth) leads us to expectation and expression of „nursing“ type of love.

 To answer the question what is Love and how we can find it: If you have to ask what love is, then you will not understand its meaning. Only when you love you can understand what it is. And how can you find it? There is no path that would lead you to find love, the Love is the path. Or in more cliched words, love and you’ll be loved. All who love truly (unconditionally) know, that you can not change your partner (weather, fate, etc), but what you can change is your attitude towards your partner (weather, fate…). Because you truly love. This is it.